I don’t hate her anymore

Note: This was originally a Guest Post which I’ve written as requested by Nina of thehappylife101.wordpress.com

Written by Benjamin

Hey Champs! Hope you’re doing good!

This will be a summarized story, of my experience in a relationship of 6 years (4 officially, with 2 years of friendship before getting together) with my ex-gf, who’s also my first love (I was hers too, aww ain’t that sweet? XD) and before I go on, I just want to make one thing clear:

Things may have ended badly between us but I sincerely, wholeheartedly, do not hate her for leaving me and making me go through the things I did. Not anymore.

Some of you may think I’m a dumbass for this (Hell, even I do think that I am lol!) but instead of hating her, I actually feel gratitude towards her.

Why? Simply because she taught and showed me the concept of love (Romantically) and even what’s it like to be truly in love with someone.

She taught me what love can be in the form of affection and attention which you’d only see in TV, movies and fairy tales.
She even gave me the experiences which I’ve never known anyone to have gone through before as well. Needless to say, I know I did the same for her.
We shared lots of moments when we told each other we couldn’t believe we’re actually together. Btw, it was a Long Distance Relationship. I’m from Asia and she’s from Europe. Anyway-

We both had our good and bad sides but if you take away the fights we had?
We were perfect for each other like literally, we shared so many common interests, perspectives in life, moral stands and we both even shared the same idea of only having just one partner in life and then getting together and settling down.
Just be each other’s only one. How sweet was that, right?

When we were both together, in the years back then- Yes, we may have fights and all but seriously, which couple don’t fight?
Besides, I had some of the happiest days in my life and that statement stays true even today. So I just want you, or her, if she has somehow managed to find this article- to know that I don’t hate her no more. I used to but not anymore. Instead-

I love her for the time and love she’s given me during the years we were together. I loved giving her all my affection, time and efforts in making her feel like the happiest girl alive.

I wholeheartedly love all the lessons and adventures we’ve been through together.
They were fantabulous. I thank her for taking up my offer to come into my world when I told her to (I didn’t ask her to be my gf then, I told her to be and she said yes lol! Isn’t she an amazing gal? XD- P.S. I’m amazing for suggesting it too).

It was an absolutely magical carpet ride- A whole new world for us both and like in a Disney movie, truly out of the world. (Got the reference? High-5!)

Our life experiences together were one of a kind. (Which I’m sure, you and your special one is too)

Funny thing is, there’s this song by Green Day (One of my FAVORITE Rock Band) which I’ve always loved the melody to but never truly understood the lyrics nor why Billie Joe (The Vocalist) was so teared up while playing this song live (In the show I saw on video)-  Until I’ve experienced my own break up and accidentally playing it while going through my old song library on iTunes and let it play till it finished.
I’ve always enjoyed the song with a smile because of the melody while listening but this time, something else happened.

It got me tearing up like Billie Joe. The melody and lyrics hit me hard like a train, pulling all sorts of emotions out of me as I started reliving the beautiful past that I know, will never ever come back nor be reliving ever again.

You might’ve heard of this one as well. It’s called “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)”.

Listen to the song here –> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bTdLi0YUVM

This song to me, its mainly written over the loss of a lover in your life.

Billie Joe wrote it during the period when his girlfriend at the time was leaving him but when we really look at the lyrics, somehow you see that it’s about life in general and everything that’s in it. Not just relationships.

When I heard the song after the fateful break up, that’s when I realize that this song is filled with lines of everlasting wisdom.

“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.”

There will be times when we reach a point in our life where we’re stuck- like a fork in the road, unsure where to go nor what to do next. This might also be the moment when you just stay stuck until time drags you along somewhere. You are not alone, we all go through this one, champ. Stay strong.

“So make the best of this test and don’t ask why.”

I’m sure you can relate already. When we go through an extremely dark period of our life, we often ask ourselves and everyone around us, perhaps even God “Why did this happen? Why is this happening to me?”

But we never get the answer because “It’s not a question but a lesson learned in time.”

There are things in life which we’ll only get the answers to as we live and gain experience with time. When something like this happens, we don’t ask “Why” but just learn from it because the knowledge we gain from it will be for life and it can be used for a bigger purpose such as changing someone else’s life for the better. But ultimately, we must never forget that it can be used to change our own life for the better.

“So take the photographs and still frames in your mind, hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.”
“Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. For what it’s worth, it was worth all the while.”

What I’ve been saying. Memories are something we need to hold onto not only because they are precious moments of your life, but also because they can get you through a lot of things in life and make you realize that “For what it’s worth it was worth all the while.”

You’ve gained so much from them and they are forever yours to keep and reflect upon whenever you need or wish to!

In the end, life itself “It’s something unpredictable but in the end is right.”

There are times when we can control it, there times we can’t. In the end, no matter what happens, it’ll be alright. After the curtain falls, when everything is all over?

“I hope you had the time of your life.”

We all had fun, we’ve suffered through thick and thin together, conquering obstacles and life challenges that came our way and it all ends here and I want you to know now- I’ve had the time of my life doing all those things, experiencing life with you.

So again, thank you, my dear ex-sweetheart. I’m honestly writing this with a smile (Albeit, a bitter sweet feeling in my heart!). If you are reading this, I want you to know that I will never forget you. And I hope you had the time of your life with me and are still having a blast in life right now

If you have recently gone through a heartbreak yourself, or are still trying to get over someone or seeking closure- Understand that you will only find peace after you’re able to see a life ahead without the person who’s leaving you or have left you, being a part of it.

Seems impossible but know that life isn’t over with this person gone. In fact, it’s just the beginning!

I know (SHE was MY LIFE so yeah, I know lol!), it’s hard to see and envision a future like that but in time, and with SUPPORT– You will be walking on the path towards your next chapter in life and it WILL be a brighter and happier chapter in your life’s story 😉

I was there. I had so much negative feelings towards her back then when the breakup happened. I hated her then.
But when I realized that the reason to why I hated her so much- Was because I loved her so much? I started asking myself if I’m being fair to her and myself? Was I being fair to our relationship?

Why did I choose to take away all the beautiful moments we shared together?

Just because she’s leaving, I’m going to convince myself to live my life as if we’ve never met and the past which we’ve spent our lives together- It never happened? And I didn’t learn nor gain anything from it?

Well I can do that- IT WAS what I was doing, which obviously isn’t very healthy for me lol.

OR-

I can instead, cherish everything that we did. Everything that we had.
Everything we gave to each other and accept the fact that even though we won’t be getting anything more from each other, we will forever be keeping whatever we’ve given to each other. She gave me all her love just as how I gave her all of mine.

She may be gone and will not be giving any more but it’s okay. It’s okay.

Just like how my friends’ and families’ love that’s being invested in me, her love and mine? It’s all in both our hearts and memories now. And really, that’s okay.

I actually thought of burning all the letters etc she’s given me (Quite a number. LDR, remember?) but in the end, I decided not to because she was a part of my life. I loved that part of my life. I loved her. So much. Okay tearing up lol but it’s all good my friend.

It’s just the moment. Who knows? Perhaps one day I might really have to burn it all because I need to make space for more letters or something in future lol!

There’s so much more into the story but I shall end it here. I sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed reading this and actually learned something from it!

Seriously, I hate you and Nina for making me go through this walk down memory lane (Lol just kidding haha!) but I think stories like this- It’s good for the soul. Both yours and mine

Okay so before I get going, I just wanna say that if you’re currently going through a difficult time in your life and feel that you need someone to talk to?
You can always email me via doubleyourpresence@gmail.com and share it with me.
I’d love to listen to what you have to talk about.
As I recently started telling ppl on WP these days
“Listening, can do wonders for a damaged soul. Even heal them.”
So share if you feel the need to!

Alternatively, if you want to find similar people such as yourself (Or me lol), with a genuine and sincere heart of helping?
Feel free to check out my blog for our Project BIY and learn more about our mission in making a positive difference in life! If you wish to contribute as well, definitely check in with us!

We’re a new community that’s aiming bring the beautiful side of the human spirit to the world and we’d love to have you join us if you do share our mission and vision of a better world 😉

We got a new forum that’s currently still in it’s testing phase (During the time this article is written anyway) and we’d be excited to have you join in the test if you are keen to as well!
Head on over to meet everyone who’s helping with the test over there!
We got a chatroom installed at the bottom of the forum too

Let the kind souls unite and may you keep rocking your world!

Your pal,
Benjamin