A SECRET in the “Self” Issues

A SECRET in the “Self” Issues

Read about the real the reason behind you feeling like a failure in life.

Written By Benjamin Ngiam

In life, we like to tell ourselves that we are okay. We are fine.

We especially LOVE to convince ourselves that everything is fine when it is related to an issue which we would rather avoid than confront.

You are not good with meeting strangers or new people and making new friends. Imagine now, you are now left inside a rather enclosed empty room with nothing but a sofa to sit on. You proceed to sit down.

Then, people you don’t know starts entering the room. They start occupying the space, some sitting beside you, others standing around. You can feel everyone’s eyes on you, even if they might not be looking at you, you just seem to feel their “Gaze”.

Something familiar starts happening.

You start to feel your heart thumping HARD at your chest.
Your palm starts to sweat as your heart rate increases along with your anxiety. Your mind starts flinging images and playing video clips of every worse case scenario that your suddenly-fabulously-imaginative mind can come up with.

What happens next?

You begin to give into the “Jedi” Mind-trick of your own (Or should I say “Sith”?) and succumb to your own pessimistic and self-defeating prophecy.

Now, you start telling yourself:
“Oh God, I have not a single clue on how to start talking to anyone… I’ll just act like nobody is around and everything will be fine. Just let it be. Ignore these people and soon, they will all go away. They all do eventually…”

And guess what? You are right. They do eventually. What happens then?

You stuck with this mentality, which eventually becomes a habit (Without you realizing it) that whenever you have a problem, you can just leave it alone and they will “Go away” by themselves.

Now… Here comes the kicker.

You start to do that with EVERY PROBLEM that you face.

Slowly, but surely, you begin to feel incompetent because you just can’t seem to do things right.
You start to doubt your own capabilities. You start to question yourself on every choices and decisions you make in life.
Due to all of this, you start to avoid doing things because if you don’t do anything at all, you won’t fail in anything, right?

How can there be failure when there is no chance of it happening at all? You don’t realize this but its precisely because you stopped doing anything, you start to feel like you are not accomplishing anything in your life.



Each time you tell yourself that things are fine when it is not and you actually CONVINCE yourself that it is? You slip a little closer into the abyss, which is known to us all as “Denial”.

You don’t feel that this approach towards your problem is anything dangerous because it just seem so harmless (And reliving) but when you start analyzing it, in reality, you are actually playing chicken with a train whenever you do that.

Dangerous game indeed.

I want you to realize this now and help get you off the track before you go any further in and get hit by the train.

The harsh truth is, most of the time, you actually know that you are moving towards a train. You know that your current choice of action/decisions towards your ongoing problem is a self-destructing one and yet, you refuse to accept that there is a problem in your life and choose to remain passive about it.

Your instincts are telling you to do something about the direction where you are headed towards and get off but you know all too well that it will take considerable amount of effort and possibly even some emotional trauma to steer yourself off the current track.
So you convince yourself everything is okay because it is the easiest way to deal with things.

We all dislike to deal with issues we have in our lives.
Especially the ones that REALLY seem to be eating us up on the inside.

But I’m sure you know it deep down as well…

The more a problem seem to be eating you up on the inside, the more attention you need to pay to it and the more effort you got to put into it in order to see it resolved.

It is hard but when we are presented with a life problem, we have to do something about it.

Avoid the train. Not your instincts nor your own intellect’s awareness and apprehension on the situation you are in.
They are the reason why you are still alive and reading this article.

If you kill your own ability to confront and manage your life problems, you kill the image you have of yourself. In other words…

Your mind holds both the Poison and  the Remedy.

So ask yourself now:

  • Are there any issues, in which, you are currently avoiding at the moment?
  • Do you think it would be better to face them and steer the direction of how things are going now to another direction?

We might be crashing and burning like a race car that just got tossed off course after a bad collision with another racer but we can still do something about it to save ourselves instead of just taking the easy way out by letting things run its course and allow things to go from bad to worse.

That’s all for today! Thanks for reading as always.

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Benjamin Ngiam

For more articles like this, visit Project Believe In Yourself.

[Image featured today in this article is by Randy Boice.]

6 thoughts on “A SECRET in the “Self” Issues

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